My nipple is on Facebook.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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