I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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