So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
