Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
