all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
