i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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