i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i came on her dog
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
