so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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