Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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