I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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