apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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