he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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