youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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