Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize