just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
