Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
