I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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