Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
