So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
