I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
