he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
