she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
