i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
