And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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