Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she smelled like a LAN party
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
