We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
