Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
