so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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