you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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