pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
