She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
