I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
