Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
