My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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