i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
