I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
