i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
