Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
