you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
