evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
