if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
