No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
