Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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