I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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