In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
