no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
