So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
