I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
