you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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