we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
