I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
