i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
