Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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