I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
