oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
